Maybe it stems from culture though I’ve seen it in other cultures too. It is considered pretty stereotypical in so-called haute societies. However, humble upbringing is the proper term for me so that doesn’t apply. This thing is more common than some realize. It results in competitiveness and insecurities; funny because these two seems like an oxymoron.  I don’t know where it’s from and I don’t want to play the psychobabble by blaming my mother. Guess at this point in life, where it’s from honestly doesn’t matter. If I like it, I keep it. If I don’t, I change it.

So what is “it”?

“It” is comparison. I compared myself to everyone for everything. Others were always prettier, smarter, cuter,  sweeter, meaner, funnier, and even weirder (there’s more but have to use the word “more”).  I think there was a time where I wanted to be weirder than everyone else. I think I’ve accomplished that. No, I’m not proud. Yes, the traces of weirdness still lingers.

Truth is I still inevitably compare. The only difference is that I don’t want to be them or to be like them. Not that I see more flaws than gifts in others, but because I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care…it sounds strangely pleasing in my head. ( And please don’t be ridiculous and take this statement to the extreme like my um, cough* cough* glad-we-don’t-live-together-ex roommate. ) The people I know are amazing. They are literally prettier, smarter, cuter, sweeter, meaner, funnier, and even weirder (etc . but with the word “more”). Now they inspire me. They inspire me to be better than who I am now. For that, I’m thankful. I’m thankful. I’m thankful….funny how being thankful washes away bitterness.

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